Decades of research on minority stress (Brooks, 1981) have documented its adverse effects on the mental and physical health of sexual and gender miniority people (Flentje et al., 2020; Hoy-Ellis, 2023)—but what about its effects on relationships? Scholarship in the past 15 years has begun to call attention to unique forms of stigma directed at the primary, sexual, and romantic relationships of LGBTQ+ people. Visible relationships offer unique challenges, like discrimination nd marginalization, as well as important opportunities and rewards.
Relationship discrimination (Neilands et al., 2020) refers to experiences of enacted stigma (things that have happened) that are directed at a couple together, rather than at the individual people in the relationship. A restaurant that refuses to seat the two of you? Discrimination. A parent who expresses support for you but is unwilling to acknowledge a partner? Discrimination.
Relationship marginalization (Lehmiller, 2012; Neilands et al., 2020) is less about what has happened and more about what someone fears or believes might happen. It refers to the belief, perception, or concern that friends, family, or society generally do not accept, would not support, or otherwise have a negative view of one’s relationship or one’s partner. Worried you will be treated poorly at a restaurant if you go on a date– even if nothing has happened yet? Marginalization Nervous about what could happen if you bring your partner to a family or work function? Marginalization.
Relationship discrimination and marginalization are associated with real costs
Social network integration is generally a positive sign for couples (Felmlee, 2001; Sprecher & Felmlee, 2000). That is a fancy way of saying that introducing a relationship partner to friends and family is associated with better relationship quality. For heterosexual couples, it even predicts partners talking more about health-related concerns (Cornwell, 2012).
Relationship discrimination and marginalization act as stressors for sexual and gender minority people. Evidence links these experiences with poor relationship quality (Gamarel et al., 2014; Neilands et al., 2020; Rosenthal & Starks, 2015) as well as symptoms of depression (Gamarel et al., 2014; Neilands et al., 2020; Robles et al., 2022) and substance use problems (Neilands et al., 2020). Among sexual minority men who are single, just the anticipation that their relationship would be marginalized (if they had one) has been linked to higher levels of negative affect (Castro et al., 2019).
Presenting as a couple increases visibility, bringing potential rewards and challenges
Even for someone whose sexual or gender identity is publically known, doing things as a couple can bring enhanced visibility. Being accepted and affirmed, not only for your personal identity but also as part of a relationship that aligns with that identity, can be really powerful. Friends, family, and others in your community may deeply value the opportunity to know your partner and interact with the two of you together.
It might also bring some new challenges. Being seen with your partner as a couple in public might disclose your sexual or gender identity in ways that are surprising or different from what either of you experience on your own or with friends. The skills used to respond to intolerance or manage your emotions in the face of discrimination when you are alone or with friends might not work quite the same when you and your partner are together.
Interacting with an LGBTQ+ couple might also present some new challenges for your friends, family, and community. Friends and family may be unsure how to introduce the two of you together or unclear about how you like to refer to each other. That uncertainty can lead to awkwardness even for those who genuinely want to be supportive.
Separately, some people may find that it is easier to accept or tolerate an LGBTQ+ person individually than it is to affirm them as part of a couple. If an individual has adopted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” mindset as a strategy for accepting an LGBTQ+ person, seeing that LGBTQ+ person together with their partner may present a challenge. It requires that individual to engage with the reality of the LGBTQ+ person’s identity in a way they might ordinarily try to avoid.
Relationships Essential Reads
Coping with and responding to relationship stigma
Relationship discrimination and marginalization are not the fault of LGBTQ+ people. Their elimination ultimately requires a combination of structural changes (to ensure the rights and dignity of LGBTQ+ people, their families, and relationships are formally protected) and personal reflection among those who hold strongly negative views. Those changes take time. There are a few strategies that LGBTQ+ people might consider in the meantime.
Recognize when you are experiencing relationship stigma and acknowledge the emotions involved. Being asked to leave a restaurant, or worrying that your partner will not be invited to the next family event—these experiences can generate a range of negative emotions (e.g., anxiety, frustration, anger, or sadness). Acknowledging these emotions—and attributing them to the experience of discrimination or marginalization (rather than potentially blaming each other for something neither you nor your partner can directly control)—can help you and your partner support one another effectively. It might also help you tolerate these stressors together without leading to conflict between the two of you.
Consider some advance preparation. If you decide to bring your partner to an event in your community, with friends, or with family, and you are nervous about what might happen, a bit of preparation could help. Two possibilities:
You and your partner might talk through potential challenges and brainstorm responses. How would you let one another know if things get uncomfortable? What is your fallback plan if there is an unpleasant interaction and one of you needs to exit a situation? No amount of planning can control how others behave, but aligning on a strategy might help you and your partner approach the situation with more confidence.
If the opportunity exists and you have the energy, talking with select friends, family, or community leaders in advance might reduce awkwardness in the moment. These conversations could be a chance to provide key people with information about your partner, explain how you want to be referred to and introduced, identify ways they can support your interactions with others, and address other questions they have before you all get together.
Conclusions
Relationship discrimination and marginalization are increasingly acknowledged components of minority stress for sexual and gender minority people. They are associated with diminished relationship quality, depression, and substance use. While no LGBTQ+ person can control the behavior of their friends, family, or community members, recognizing the reality of relationship stigma, acknowledging the negative emotions it invokes, and discussing how to respond to it could potentially help sexual and gender minority people and their partners cope together more effectively and capitalize on the potential benefits of engaging with their social networks where possible.
If you are interested in how discriminatory state policies impact LGBTQ+ relationships, check out my other blog post.
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Publish date : 2024-10-20 14:38:25
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The post Relationship Stigma: “Maybe Don’t Bring Your ‘Friend’” first appeared on Africa-News.
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Author : africa-news
Publish date : 2024-10-21 01:44:11
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